


Thinking Out Loud

by smittenwithsugden



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-07
Updated: 2017-03-07
Packaged: 2018-09-30 13:19:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10163861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smittenwithsugden/pseuds/smittenwithsugden
Summary: Robert and Aaron have a heart to heart after Aaron ends up in the hospital





	

**Author's Note:**

> You know I really tried to make this angsty, but I guess I am just a fluff-writer

Aaron woke up and he felt disoriented. He felt a numb pain in his ribs, then his head. Something was off, he thought, the smell was different, the bed felt different and there was something else. He felt that someone was touching his hand and after the first second of panic he realized it wasn’t a harmful touch. He felt safe enough to open his eyes, slowly, very slowly and he saw that he wasn’t in his cell but apparently in a hospital bed.

He moved his head slowly and saw a whiff of blonde hair and his heart skipped a beat, like literally he felt like he couldn’t breathe for a second.

“Rob,” he whispered and tried to get his voice to sound stronger, louder, but Robert’s head shot up.

“Oh my God, Aaron, you’re awake,” Robert said and got up immediately, his one hand cupping his face and his other still holding on to Aaron’s hand. “How are you? Are you okay? What a stupid question, of course you’re not. Wait, I’ll get someone.”

“Robert,” Aaron said, glad to hear his voice was stronger now. “You’re rambling. I’m okay… well, as much as I can be… what happened?”

Robert’s face fell and he sat back down. “I don’t know, I was hoping you would.”

“I... remember getting back to prison from court, we won, right?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Robert said, “your sentence got reduced, two more weeks, so you had to go back inside, though.”

Aaron’s face darkened, he clearly remembered something and he turned his face away.

Robert sighed. “You’re not gonna tell me what happened?”

Aaron bit his lip, still not looking at Robert. When Robert reached out to touch him he pulled his hand back.

“What are you even doing here?” Aaron asked with a broken voice. 

Robert shook his head, choosing to ignore the question. “They said you collapsed in your cell, shaking and trembling.” Robert waited for a moment to see if Aaron would say anything, but he didn’t.

“They got you here and on cold turkey, you were out of it for 48 hours, getting you off it,” Robert said and swallowed hard. “Are you gonna stop with that shit now?”

“Do I have to go back?” Aaron asked instead of an answer.

Robert rubbed his hand over his face, the sight of his wedding ring making Aaron look away again.

“I don’t know,” he said with a small voice. “I hope not.”

Aaron looked up at the ceiling, closing his eyes, sighed and opened them again.

“Robert,” he said. “You really don’t have to be here. I get it, this is too much, and I’m giving you an out, go.”

Aaron was shocked when he heard a sob and turned his head. Robert was sitting on the hospital chair and he looked like a picture of misery. His head was in his hands and there was another sob.

“Robert,” Aaron said softly and his voice broke.

Robert’s head shot up. “No,” he said, “you do not get to do this. You are not pushing me away, again. Because I do stupid things when you do. And I can’t cope without you. And I don’t know what else to do to show you that I am in. I am all in. I want you. I love you. I tried so hard to be strong for you and all you do is push me away. And all I wanted and want is you out of this hell hole and I worked like hell for it and you go and take drugs and you don’t care about anything and I don’t know what else to do! You really want me to go? I mean it, like, do you really, literally think your life would be better without me?”

“No,” Aaron said, wiping away some tears. “But yours would be.”

Robert let out a dry laugh followed by another sob. “You are such an idiot.”

“I know,” Aaron said and Robert was by his side again, cupping his face and forcing him to look at him.

“Don’t you know by now how much I love you? What I would do for you? Even if I wanted to, and I don’t, I couldn’t stay away,” Robert said. “Whatever happened to you in here is killing me, and that you had to take this stuff to deal with it is breaking my heart. But no matter what you did and will do I’m not gonna go. Messed up forever, yeah?”

Aaron bit his lips, his eyes welling up and he nodded shortly. Robert sat back down, holding his hand. “Let’s just wait for the doctor,” Robert said.

There were a few moments of silence until Aaron cleared his throat.

“It started the day after Mum’s first visit,” Aaron said and he stopped to let out a shaky breath. Robert looked at him surprised.

“They jumped me, four guys and Jason finished it off,” Aaron continued, swallowing hard and closing his eyes for a moment.

Robert watched him as he continued to tell him about the beating and when he told him about the incident in Gordon’s cell Robert’s eyes filled up and he grabbed Aaron’s hand. For the first time Aaron squeezed back.

Aaron continued to tell him about the priest, the first time he used and everything else that happened up until the appeal. 

Robert looked at him, his brave and strong husband, who got beaten down by life yet again, and his heart broke.

“I… I wish… you know…,” he started but he couldn’t finish. 

“I know,” Aaron said and looked at him. “But I think I need help this time, Robert. Professional help.”

Robert nodded immediately. “We’ll sort something out when you’re out, ok?” he said.

“Yeah, okay,” he said and he pulled at his hand wanting him to come closer. “I love you and I’m so sorry, Robert.”

Robert shook his head. “Don’t,” he said. “We’ll get through this together.”

Aaron smiled the tiniest of smiles, but it was there. “I think I have to do this one on my own.”

Robert nodded. “Yeah, course, I mean I am not gonna go there with you, but I’m right by your side otherwise.”

“You already did get me through the most of it, you know?” Aaron said. 

“No, I didn’t, I didn’t do anything,” Robert said. He cut back on the comment that he didn’t know anyway.

“Don’t you know by now how much I love you?” Aaron echoed the question Robert had asked him earlier. “That helped.”

“Soft,” Robert said with a soft smile and Aaron chuckled. 

Robert gave him a careful kiss and sat back down. He looked at Aaron and even though he wished he would have told him sooner, he was incredibly proud that he did it now.

“I slept on the sofa,” he said suddenly and surprised himself.

“What?” Aaron asked confused.

“These past weeks,” Robert said. “I couldn’t sleep in our bed without you.”

“Who’s soft now?” Aaron asked with a chuckle.

“We have a really big bed,” Robert said, ignoring the comment. “I mean, it was just… too much. And The Mill, Ronnie is great but he is not exactly the fastest worker. Adam is fast but has to do a lot of stuff twice and I constantly had to make these decisions, and I wasn’t sure. I mean, I thought I knew what you wanted, but it was just….hard…,” he said and took a deep breath.

“Robert,” Aaron said softly. “It’s okay.”

“No, I should know, it shouldn’t have been so hard,” he said, shaking his head. “And these stupid little bullies sprayed graffiti on the outside of The Mill and it set us back.”

He shook his head at himself again. Aaron opened his mouth to speak but Robert was on a roll.

“And Liv. She got in so much trouble, you probably only know the half of it, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but, oh boy, she’s a handful and I didn’t want you to worry.”

“Rob,” Aaron tried again. “Robert!”

Finally Robert stopped and looked at him. He looked tired, Aaron realized, bags under his eyes and it looked like he hadn’t eaten.

“I know you did your best,” Aaron said, “I wish you would have told me so I could have told you to stop beating yourself up over this stuff.”

Robert sighed. “Yeah, well, I wish you would have told me about… all of this…”

“Same old story, right?” Aaron said with a small smile. “We just wait till everything explodes.”

“I don’t want that anymore, Aaron,” Robert said and stepped closer to the bed again. “I want us to talk, to trust each other…”

“Me, too,” Aaron said. “And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I know I promised. But I promise you now I’ll work on it.”

“Me, too,” Robert said and leaned down to give him a soft kiss. “Try, error, repeat, right? And one day we’ll get it right.”


End file.
